Don't Be So Catty, Moxxie! - Chapter 6 - Cheycartoongirl8, CynicalGenre (2024)

Chapter Text

“Again?!” Loona complained, “Seriously?!”

“Yes! Because I don’t got anyone else to watch Moxxie!” replied Millie.

Loona groaned loudly, sliding down in her chair. “Can’t Blitzo…?”

“Sorry honey! Daddy’s busy with…stuff…” Blitzo popped his head out of his office.

“Stolas,” the two women answered automatically.

“THAT IS….SHUT UP!!”

They both snickered when they heard his door slam shut.

“Well it’s settled then!” Millie smiled, plopping Cat-Moxxie on Loona’s desk. “You. Babysitting. Today. At least for a couple of hours.”

“Uggghhhhh! Why?!”

“Cause I gotta go into town to pay off some bills and pick up sh*t for our apartment and it can’t wait,” replied Millie, pulling out her phone. “And before ya ask, the app and website to pay the bills is on the fritz so we gotta do that sh*t in person. And Moxxie didn’t get a chance to buy groceries before he got cat-ified. Speaking off, I gotta get some hairball medicine cause he’s been hacking up a few…”

“UGH! GROSS! Fine! I get it! f*ck!” Loona huffed.

“Thanks again! I’ll bring you back a coffee for this!” Millie then gave Moxxie a quick peck on top of his fuzzy head. “I’ll be back in a few hours, baby. Be a good kitty for Loona!”

Without another word, the bruiser left. The Hellhound huffed as she looked down at the feline. Moxxie blinked up at her. For the last couple of days, as much as she didn’t want to admit it, the two of them were getting along very well.

But right now, she didn’t really know what to do with him. She shrugged, going back to her phone. Oh well. It wasn’t like he actually needed to be babysat. From what she read online, cats were pretty much solitary creatures that liked being by themselves. The fuzz-face didn’t need her attention 24/7. He’ll probably just find a sunbeam and nap the entire time.

It’ll be fine. She’ll just stay in the office and doze off…

“Oi Blitzy! I just watch an oh-so fascinating video when I was in Lust…” Stolas’s voice came from the inside of his office. “I thought we could replicate that. I’ll be your secretary…”

Loona shot up from her seat and ran out the door, taking Moxxie by the scruff of his neck.

f*ck THAT!

“Great…now what?” Loona muttered to Moxxie.

After that…disturbing moment back at the office, Loona ended up fast walking as far away from IMP as possible. Hence why the pair were now in Pentagram City. Moxxie, thankfully, had balanced himself by wrapping his body around her neck like a collar. Loona was grateful since she didn’t have to carry him in her arms and could fool around on her phone.

Sure, she got the odd looks from other demons but they knew better than to bother a pissed off looking hellhound. Or the cat that would hiss and growl at them when they would get too close to her. She looked down at her phone.

“Alright… maybe I can find a pet-friendly restaurant or something…”

The feline hardly paid attention to what she was saying. So many new things! He was looking around in fascination. So many new sights! So many new smells! ….a lot of bad smells… but still! It was all new and exciting!

“Okay let’s see… cat cafe… hell no. Last thing I need is for you to accidentally get adopted by some other creeps and Millie go apesh*t. Uh… Some sh*tty Italian restaurant… WackDonalds? f*ck no.”

Moxxie flicked his ear at her. He perked up when he smelt something. Oh! Oh that smell soooo good! He twisted his head around to look for where it was coming from. His eyes spotted a tiny little cafe nestled in between two skyrises titled “The Devil’s Brew” in red cursive. Dozens of demons came in and out of the little shop carrying nice smelling cups filled with some liquid.

Food!’ thought Moxxie.

The tiny cat quickly unwrapped himself from Loona’s neck and hopped off. The hellhound didn’t even notice as Moxxie booked it towards the cafe. It was a good thing that she didn’t have that weird vest and leash on him! He happily bounded over then paused.

He jumped onto the window sill to look in.

He could see dozens of people in the building, exchanging green leaves for the food and drinks. He tilted his head at the scene. He didn’t know why they did that. It was so weird. But if that meant he could get food… He looked around for a leaf. Surely there had to be some around here somewhere.

His ears perked up seeing a pile of them next to the black path. There are some leaves!

He jumped off the sill, scampering over to the pile. He sniffed at leaves. Now… which one should he pick? He needed a green one. All the leaves they were giving away for the food were green.

He picked the biggest one out of the pile with his teeth.

This one was perfect! They’ll have to give him food with this one!

“Took you asshole four tries before you got it right!” Fizz yelled to the barista as he walked out of the cafe.

The famed jester strutted out of the place, one hand clutching his chai latte, the other the multiple leashes that held his beloved queefs. Today was one of Fizz’s rare days off. No performance, no autograph signing, just 24 hours of him doing whatever the f*ck he wants. And what Fizzarolli wanted was a nice stroll in the town and a nice cup of coffee.

At least it was nice until the stupid cafe employees f*cked up his order multiple times.

Must be some newbie they hired,’ Fizz huffed. ‘Usually this joint makes good sh*t.’

While Fizz was busy critiquing the business, his queefs were terrorizing other demons, biting at their limbs and knocking their sh*t out of their hands. Just the usual stuff. And while it annoyed the hell out of most, they were also too terrified t o complain to the order for fear of the jester’s powerful lover coming down on them.

A shrill ring erupted from Fizz’s pants. He quickly fished it out of his pocket. Showing that the noise was coming from his phone. He smiled seeing his lover’s name on the screen.

He quickly swiped to accept the call.

“Hey big O!~ Missed my sweet lil’ voice already?”

“You know I can never get enough of it, Froggy. Where are you now?”

“Just leaving the cafe. Why?”

“No reason, just wanted to hear your lovely voice.”

“Uh huh, ya sure it isn’t cause you want a distraction from your meetings, right?” the imp teased.

Ozzie gave an over exaggerated sigh at the other end. “These meetings are so dull! Leviathan is just droning on and on about taxes and regulations of each rings. Bel has fallen asleep. Beelzebub is eating a rotisserie chicken she snuck in and Mammon…well that fat slob has been glaring at me while he’s counting his stack of money.”

“Right…” Fizz winced at that last part. Guess Mammon was still pissy about that time. “Well even if your meeting is a snooze-fest, I doubt ya sin-siblings are gonna be happy if you're on the phone. Or if I crash the place in a skimpy little number.”

“Well I won't be mad about that!” Ozzie purred.

“Don’t tempt me Ozzie, ya know I’ll do it…” Fizz replied in a sing-song voice.

The two lovers bantered back and forth until a strong yank pulled Fizz out of his call. Turning around, he saw his Queef had gotten a hold of a stupid sinner and started eating him. His screams were drowning out Ozzie’s conversation.

“Hey! No! Bad queefs! Ya known sinners are bad for your digestion!” Fizzarolli scolded as he tried yanking his pets away from the screaming man. He briefly turned back to his phone. “‘Cuse me Ozz! I need to keep my darlings from eating another dirty street walker.”

“No worries sugar, I can wait.”

The jester immediately started to pull his beloved pets away from the screaming demon.

“Bad babies! You all know better!”

The queivies whined but ultimately did what their daddy told them to do. Fizz eyes softened at their distressed squeaks. He bent down to pat the top of their heads.

“Oh I know babies. But ya gotta stop eating every demon we pass. They ain’t good for your tums-tums!” He turned to continue walking. “Now we’ve gotta lot of ground to cover and- HEY!!!”

A different sinner ended up running into him, spilling his coffee all over him. The asshole didn’t even stop to apologize! He spun towards them, waving his fist at them.

“WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING YOU f*ckING ASSHOLE!!!”

“GO CHOKE ON A CATCUS’ DICK YA WASHED-UP CLOWN REJECT!!”

He growled as the demon continued to walk off. Until Fizz released his pets and they jumped him.

“Oops!” Fizz fake whined, ignoring the screams of the asshole before turning to his ruined outfit. “Thanks alot, f*ck-face. If you survive my babies, I’ll sue you for the dry cleaning…WHOA!”

Fizz was nearly toppled over when his pet ran back to him, nearly jumping into his arms. They were covered in sinner’s blood and…whimpering?

“Hey! Babies! What’s wrong?! Did that asshole hurt you…”

“Meow.”

Fizz froze. His eyes slowly looked down. Oh f*ck no! Not…that!

A tiny black and red cat stared up at him with huge eyes. The thing had a red bowtie around its neck and…leaves in its mouth? Either way, Fizz doesn’t want that hellspawn creature near him!

“Shoo! Shoo! Go away!” the imp hissed, inching away from the little beast.

But the stupid thing instead got closer to him! Why?! The f*ck does it want?! Fizz never liked cats. In fact, he could easily say he hates the feline f*ckers. He remembered when he was very young… maybe around three or four when the circus had a bunch of stray cats that lingered outside of the perimeter.

He vaguely remembered trying to play with one. Only for the little beast to jump at him for no reason and scratch his face!

He never wanted to be near them since…

He jumped when the creature stepped towards him.

“N-No! I said go a-away!”

The kitten refused to do so. f*ck! What the hell was it going to take for this vile creature to get the f*ck away from him and his babies!? Especially his babies who were shaking in his arms. He tried kicking his leg near the thing but not touching it but it doesn’t work. Just staring at him. f*cking creep!

“I’m just gonna slowly back away…” Fizz said slowly.

Then it jumped!

And he booked it.

Moxxie kept chasing the funny noodle-limb man down the block, his leaves forgotten behind. He didn’t know why but he was compelled to go after him. Maybe it was because he smelled like that sweet drink. Or maybe because his arms and legs reminded him of the toys the nice imp lady would give him to chew on. Either way, he was chasing him!

And the little creatures around him were funny too. Do they want to play too? Well they could if they stopped running from him! Or were they already playing? Was this a chasing game?!

“Leave me alone you mangey…f*ck!” The imp nearly ran into the streets, nearly missing the cars speeding by.

Moxxie nearly reached the panicking imp when something insane happened: Fizz jumped…

…and grabbed the back of a speeding truck. Moxxie watched in amazement as the imp and his quieves disappeared down the road, flipping off the cat as they sailed away. And then they were gone.

Aww,’ Moxxie frowned. ‘We never got a chance to play.’

Shrugging the loss, Moxxie turned to go back to the coffee shop. Maybe his leaves were still around and he could get a treat. But as he turned, he realized that he didn’t know where he was, let alone where the shop was. At that realization, he began to panic.

He started walking toward what he thought was the correct path. But after several minutes of going up and down streets, passing unfamiliar signs and buildings, he had to accept the painful fact that he was lost. Truly, painfully lost.

And at that, Moxxie started crying.

Help! Angry dog lady! Nice red lady! Weird, smelly man! Someone! Help!’ Moxxie meowed out.

“Oh my god! Look Coco!”

Suddenly, Moxxie was lifted in the air!

“He’s so cute! And he’s crying! Poor thing!”

“Apple stop! You can’t just pick up random animals off the streets!”

“But look, Coco! The poor thing was crying out!” Moxxie looked up and saw he was in the arms of a tall, pinkish looking woman with blonde hair. “And he’s not some stray! He’s well groomed and has a cute little bowtie.”

“Must be someone’s pet that got lost,” another pink skinned, but darker, lady appeared with poofy brown hair, “Does he have a tag?”

The blonde craned her neck to look at his collar. After some inspection, she shook her head.

“No. No tag. He must’ve been an indoor cat and got out. The poor baby.” She gasped. “Oh! Let’s take him back with us!”

“We can’t take him! What if his owners are out looking for him?”

“We can put out an ad!”

“What if we get some sickos trying to claim him when they’re not his actual owners?”

“Simple! We’ll watch his body language! If he runs up to them, they’re his owners, if not, he’ll runaway or hiss! Simple!”

Coco frowned, but even she couldn’t argue with the other succubus.

“Oh very well… Let’s just hope that Verosika won’t get mad at us for bringing a cat with us.”

Apple gave a cheer, then smiled down at the feline.

“Don’t worry lil’ guy, we’ll find your owners before you know it!”

Moxxie just blinked at the demoness as he was carried off to who knows where.

Hopefully they have food.’

“Ugh! Coco and Apple are late!” Verosika complained. “They’re supposed to bring in breakfast an hour ago!”

“Must have gotten lost. Or making out,” replied Josh, scrolling through his phone.

“Relax, boss,” Vortex said. “I just got a text from Coco and she and Apple are downstairs and waiting for the elevator.”

“Finally! I’m starving!” Milky exclaimed. “They better have brought jelly-filled donuts and mocha latte.”

“What they should have is an explanation on why they’re so late!” Verosika crossed her arm. “The cafe is down the block, it shouldn’t take them more than 20 minutes.”

“I’m sure there is a good reason…”

“WE’RE BACK!” Apple exclaimed, bursting into the waiting room. “AND WE FOUND A KITTY!”

“...what?” Kat replied in confusion.

“What Apple means,” began Coco, placing boxes full of food onto a nearby table, “Is that we found a lost cat nearby so we stopped to help…”

“You mean the reason you were late with breakfast is for a cat?” Verosika questioned.

“But, but, but V! Look at him!”

Apple plopped Moxxie onto the coffee table in the center of the room. The cat looked around at the various shades of pink demons and blinked.

Then he blep.

And then there were flashes of lights in his eyes.

“CUTE!” Kiki, Milky and Kat squealed as they snapped several photos.

Moxxie jumped at the flashes, but soon settled realizing that it was coming from their strange tiny boxes in their hands. The imp-lady would do the same thing to him. He didn’t quite know why they liked flashing lights at him, but it made them happy.

Vortex gave a small frown, looking over at Apple and Coco.

“You said he was lost?”

“Yea!” Apple nodded. “Poor little thing was wailing his head off! And no, he’s not a stray. Look at how well-groomed and fed he is!”

“We think he was an indoor-cat that got out.” Coco added. “Apple suggested we put an ad out to see if we can find his owners. His collar doesn’t have a tag.”

Ace made his way over the feline, holding his hand out for him to sniff. After a few quick whiffs, Moxxie rubbed his head against his hand. He smelled like those yummy bread-things that the imp-lady made the other day!

“He’s a friendly little guy. From the looks of it he's not that old. Maybe a few months or so. Still a kitten at best. He looks…oddly familiar?” He crouched down and looked at Moxxie closely. “I feel like I’ve seen him before?”

“Really?”

“Oh! Do you think he’s one of those VoxTube cats? You know, one of those famous, popular pets that their owners make videos of?” Josk questioned.

“Maybe?” Ace pulled up his feed. “I swear I saw him before…”

Moxxie started to preen at the attention. While Ace was busy with… doing whatever he was doing, the gang alternated between eating their breakfast and cooing at the surprise furry guest. Even the popstar couldn’t deny the kitten’s cuteness.

She went and pet him herself.

“He is pretty cute. If and I do mean if his owners don’t come to claim him, I wouldn’t be opposed of him being our little traveling buddy,” replied Verosika, giving the kitten a little scratch.

“YAY!” cheered Apple.

“Found him! Found the video!” Ace called out.

“NO!” Apple booed.

“Right here,” Ace showed the video from his phone to the other succubi.

The video was a recorded live stream where said cat was being spun around and around from a rope attached to a ceiling fan. Apparently the owner of the account stated they were babysitting their coworker’s cat and wanted to keep him busy. Their solution was to tie a toy to a string attached to the fan and have it run around the room to keep it busy. Apparently the cat was too determined to grab it and ended up with the hilarious video.

“Oh my god, I remember that vid! I was laughing my ass off when I saw it!” Josh laughed.

“I remember the meme shorts that came from it,” Kiki stated.

“The video state’s that the cat is their coworker’s so I guess we need to contact them…” replied Verosika, though her tone was a bit saddened.

“Nooooo! Can’t we just say we never saw the video and keep him,” Apple gave her boss her puppy-dog eyes.

“No Apple! You said we would find his owner!” Coco scolded.

“I know…but I was hoping we didn’t…” the blonde succubus cried.

“We’ll it’s settled. We’ll contact the owner…”

The group of succubi sighed in defeat.

“...after we finish work.”

“YAY!!!”

Moxie purred as he snuggled up around the succubus’s neck. While less furry than the hellhound, it was no less warm and more comfortable. Currently, the succubus and her groupies were doing a signing at the opening of Pride’s new stadium. New as in to replace the old one that got demolished in the last Extermination attack. And what better way to promote its opening than having Hell’s most famous performers attend.

Verosika Mayday, Heather Heartbreak, Seth Sulfur, Athen and the Apocalypse, all the big name singers and bands were in attendance. Along with their adoring fans shelling out hundreds of bucks for them to sign their ugly autograph books and creepy fan merch. A good payday for just a couple of hours of wrist pain. And not the usual kind of wrist pain.

The kind that involved some creepy stalkers that thought they had the right to touch or interact with them as if they had some weird claim to them. Thank f*ck for bodyguards.

Each of the Mayday crew members took turns in watching over their new four-legged friend. Often making sure that he wasn’t scared off by the noisy crowd, fireworks and music.

“Oooh I am so glad Verosika is letting him stay until the end of the concert!” Apple squealed.

“Just make sure he doesn’t leave our sights. We don’t want him getting lost again.” Kat added, moving to give a quick ear scratch to the little feline. “We don’t want to lose him before we can return him to his owners. I bet they’re really worried about where he went.”

Vortex chuckled.

“Well when he does return home, they’ll probably come up with a video to explain his trip out.”

That was when a gasp escaped Josh’s mouth.

“Oh f*ck yes!”

They all looked over at him.

“We should take videos and pictures so that the owner or uh… the person who makes the video can show his day out! We’ll further this lil’ guys online career!”

Apple squealed and took out her camera. “I’ll do it!”

“No, I’ll do it,” Josh took her phone from her, “I have the experience in cinematography and half of your selfies include your thumb.”

Apple huffed in annoyance, crossing her arms while Coco gently patted her on the back.

“Alright, ready?”

“Always ready,” Ace answered.

“He’s talking about our actual star,” Kiki said, as said star started walking along her shoulders, “And yes, he’s ready for action.”

Josh hit the recording button.

“And action!”

Moxxie jumped off of Kiki’s shoulders and onto the table in front of her. When he sat down, Ace started to speak in a high-pitched squeaky voice as if he was talking as their feline friend.

“Hi everyone! M.J. here! I accidentally got lost in the big city! But it’s okay! I’m safe now!”

“Holy sh*t! 10K views and hits in less than a minute!” Josh exclaimed, “Usually Verosika has to dress risque to get those hits in under a minute.”

A random pen hit him in the head for that comment.

“Come on sweetie,” Apple cooed, holding out her arm and urging him to climb up on her shoulder which he does.

Moxxie doesn’t know why the demons are acting so funny but he didn’t mind. They were much nicer than the grumpy hellhound and the weird red guy. Plus they give him treats and let him climb them! And scratches! Lots of nice scratches.

Beyond the group of pink-skinned demons, there were other weirdly shaped demons behind them. Some that looked like the demons playing with him but different skin color, but most looked wildly different: deer-shaped, giant lizards, bug-liked, and other animals and objects! How funny!

They were all crowding the area and screaming something he didn’t understand. Pulling out those tiny boxes that make flashes and waving little books with pens. How weird but he ignored it. Who cares about them? There was treats!

“Found some feathers! Cats like that right?” said Milky, running up to them

“Where did you find feathers?” asked Kiki.

“Oh…just…found them laying around…”

“AHH! Someone took a chunk of feathers out of my back!” screamed a bird demon from the crowd.

“...like I said, I found it…” Milky replied, “Here kitty, you like?”

Moxxie let out a yowl of happiness as the feathers fluttered around him. He immediately started to paw, chase and pounce on them. While he was doing that, Ace continued his narration.

“I was found by the famous popstar’s Verosika Mayday’s crew! They’re letting me hangout with them until I can get home! We’ve been having a lot of fun! Like with these feathers! Aren’t they pretty?”

“Holy sh*t, the numbers are still climbing!” Josh beamed.

“Do you think we should introduce ourselves?” Coco inquired, looking over Josh’s shoulder. “Since we were mentioned?”

“Me first!” Milky snatched the phone from Josh, “Name’s Milky, def the coolest one of the group.”

“You mean second coolest,” Ace took the phone away and point it at him, “Ladies and gents, the Adonis you see is named Ace…”

“Aren’t you humble,” the phone is taken a third time by Coco, “My name’s Coco and this is my baby and the hell-angel that found our little kitten, Apple.”

“Aww, Coco babe! And hi everyone!” Apple waved at the camera before shifting it next to her, “And this is Kiki and…Kat! Don’t be shy!”

“And the handsome cameraman, Josh!” Josh took back his phone and introduced himself. “And we and our feline starlett are at Pride’s newly opened auditorium! Since the last one was blown to sh*t, they hired our boss-bitch, Verosika, to attract the masses and garner some moolah.”

“And it worked! Check out that crowd!”

He did a panoramic of the entire area filled with wailing fans.

“Thank Lucifer for Vortex and bodyguards,” Kiki muttered, “Some of V’s fans are real freaks…”

Moxxie let out another yowl, causing Josh to put the camera back on him. The feline had started to run around Kat’s legs, rolling and batting his paws cutely at them. Ace instantly went back to narrating.

“It’s so great! And I am super excited to tell my beloved owner about it when I get home! So be sure to keep an eye for my content! I’ll be updating on my journey to get back home!”

Kat bent down, petting the playful kitten.

“And M.J’s owners, if you see this, we’re making sure your little guy is well taken care of. Promise!”

“VEROSIKA!” several screaming voices erupted from the crowd. “WE LOVE YOU! WE’LL NEVER STOP LOVING YOU!”

“Ugh, great, it’s them,” Milky groaned.

“The Lovestruck & Lustful Verosika Mayday fan club?” asked Josh.

“Yep,” the succubus sighed.

“Doesn’t V have a restraining order on them?” Coco questioned, holding up Moxxie to get scratched by Apple, “Especially after the…’incident’ last year?”

“You mean when they sent over a hundred of unsolicited nude pics of them with their Verosika full body pillow and then tried to ‘visit’ V in her hotel room.”

“Don’t remind me!” Said popstar yelled back at them, “I still have nightmares about those freaks! Vortex! Get some of the other guards and toss them out! Restraining order says not within 100 ft of me!”

Vortex grimace, remembering the last time he had to handle those creeps.

“I’ll get some gloves…and maybe a full hazmat suit.”

“Gross, I forgot how some of them are…crusty…” Ace snickered.

“Acccceeeee! I just ate a few minutes ago! I don’t want to puke now!” Milky hissed.

“Maybe we should head further back from the crowd, they seem to be getting…rowdy…”

“Give it another half an hour,” replied Verosika, “Then we’ll have our break. Hopefully these freaks will be gone by then.”

Apple held up Moxxie to her.

“How about some kitty therapy? Nothing makes people happier than petting a kitty!”

Verosika blinked. Apple was always saying some weird sh*t but… she couldn't deny that sometimes she was right. Like the time she told her how a cute bag she liked looked like it was a Lilith Luxury knock off.

And she was right.

$6000 down the drain.

So she had no doubts that she was right about the kitten.

“Alright, give him here. It's been a long time since I played with a cat.”

Moxie didn’t mind being passed over several time, the weird demons were mainly nice and didn’t yank at him like the angry dog lady. And the tall pink haired one, the leader from the looks of it, scratched him in all the right places. He purred really loudly, very content on where he was

“Sweet little puss*…” Verosika purred.

“OMG! Verosika Mayday has a pet kitty!” someone in the crowd screamed loudly.

“Ugh. There goes the moment,” Verosika scoffed, letting Moxxie curl around her shoulder and neck like a furry boa.

Several camera flashes went off. Most likely trying to capture her and the feline together. She did her best not to groan.

“Let’s hurry up and get to my dressing room before the f*ckers decided to turn rabid.”

“TOO LATE!” Ace yelled.

The crowd of rabid fans got too crazy to control and busted free from the bodyguards, charging towards their idols. Even the demons in line abandon that too when they say the guards go down! All the performers, including Verosika and her slu*ts, ran for the doors of the stadium for safety as the rest of security tried, and fail, to hold the crowd back.

“WE LOVE YOU, HEATHER!”

“LET ME BE YOUR WIFE, SETH!”

“JUST A LOCK OF YOUR HAIR, VEROSIKA! IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE FROM YOUR HEAD!”

“I JUST WANT A SNIFF!”

“That’s it!” Verosika shrieked, “I’m firing my manager for this sh*t!”

“Heh, stupid f*ck-up,” Loona chuckled as she liked a video of a drunk demon facepalming outside a club in Pride, “Alright, let’s grab something something to eat, fat*ss. And no, I’m not buying those gluten free bullshi….Moxxie?”

Loona patted around her shoulder and neck before she realized that the fuzzy, fat wrap of cat wasn’t on her or around her. Panic started setting in when Loona looked frantically around the street for that bowtie wearing feline and saw nothing.

“sh*t! Millie is gonna kill me!” Loona hissed.

And, as if Lucifer wanted to f*ck with her, her phone started to ring…

“WHAT?” Loona yelled into her cell.

Uh, Loona?”

…only for it to be Millie.

“Millie! Hey bitch! How are ya?” Loona recovered into a fake, friendly greeting.

Uh, okay?” Millie replied warily, “Just wanted to let ya know that I’m doing good with the errands. Didn’t even have to beat up the landlord!”

“Uhhhh okay…” Loona felt a sweat of fear go down her face.

sh*t! Don’t tell Moxxie I said that! He’ll be upset if he finds out I tried to fight the landlord again.”

“He’s a cat. I don’t think he’ll understand…” the hellhound muttered.

By the way, how is Moxxie?”

The Hellhound instantly started to panic. f*ck! Think, Loona think! What do cats do?? What can she say that will make sure she doesn’t request to hear him!

“He’s uh…. Good! R-r-really good! He’s napping!”

“He is?”

“Y-yea. Uh… found a nice….” A nice what? A NICE WHAT?? “Sunbeam! Yep! He’s sitting under the window right now snoozing his fat little fuzzy head off.”

Oh that’s so cute! Send me a pic!”

Loona stiffened.

“Like… now?”

Yea! I wanna see!”

f*ck! Okay, don’t panic! Surely she had a photo in her gallery.

“Uh… Y-yea okay! Just…. Give me a minute.”

She instantly pulled up her pictures, frantically looking for any that she had of the fat*ss in a sunbeam. She had to have one somewhere…. Aha!! Found one! She quickly selected the pic, instantly attaching and sending it in her messages to the Wrathian imp.

“There you go!”

f*ck she hoped she didn’t hear her nervousness in the call.

AAAWWW!!! Look at my precious baby bein’ a cute wittle sleepyhead!”

“Yeah, cute…” Loona rolled her eyes at Millie’s baby talk.

Eeee~! Please send more pics when Moxxie wakes up! I miss his fluffy little face.”

“You’ve only been gone for like an hour…”

I know but I still…HEY! Hands off jackass! I saw that roast beef first!”

I don’t see your name on it, f*ck-imp,” replied a greasy voice.

“‘Cuse me, Loona, I gotta shove my foot down some asshole’s throat. I’ll see ya and Moxxie later. YOU WANNA LOSE A LIMB, f*ck FACE?!”

And then the call disconnected.

“f*ck!” Loona screamed out, startling nearby demons and sinners, “I need to find dumbass and quick!”

She booked it back from where she started. Surely Moxxie didn’t go too far right? fat*ss was too fussy to go anywhere dangerous or dirty right? And he wouldn’t let anyone grab him or pick him up right? She seen how Blitzo tried multiple times to pick him up only to end up with scratches and a bruised ego.

So that meant he would be alone right?

No one would take him, right?

RIGHT?!

fat*ss you better be nearby or I won’t be the only one getting a beating!’

“I’m here, Fizzy-dear!” Ozzie loudly announced, stepping out of his limo.

“Thank Lucifer!” Fizzaroli jumped into the large sin’s arms, “You won’t believe the day I had!”

“Tell me all about it,” Ozzie purred, carrying his lover into his limo along with his beloved pets.

Fizz started ranting on and on about his day, starting off with his less than amazing breakfast, his rushed trip to the spa for him and his queefs, an incident at his favorite cafe, being ‘attacked by a horrendous beast’ and spending an hour at the dry cleaners to fix his outfit.

“...thank Satan I had a change of clothing on me,” the jester went on, “Dumb cat! Horrible, vile creature…”

“Sure dear,” Ozzie purred in good nature.

“It was! The thing chased us! It was trying to attack us!” Fizz shuttered in fear, “I swear I could see the evil glee in its eyes!”

“Speaking of chasing and evil glee, I’ve just been summon to save one of my performers from a crowd of overzealous admirers.”

“You mean Verosika at that new stadium? Yeah, I saw the Voxagram livestream. Poor bitch,” Fizz stated.

“Well she has called for Hell’s handsome cavalry so we’re on the way to say her lovely ass,” he snapped his fingers and the limo made a sharp turn toward the stadium.

“Just keep those crazy fans away from me! I’ve seen the sh*t they posted online…” Fizz scrunched his face in disgust.

“Not to worry, my love. Neither of us even need to leave the limo,” Ozzie purred.

“Then how are we…?”

“Sir,” called out the driver, “We’ve arrive but the crowd seems to be in a frenzy.”

“Drive through,” Ozzie waved off.

“Very well.”

“Drive through…?” Fizz repeated.

Then the limo proceeds to drive right through the crowd, running over several demons.

“Ah…”

“Alright, time to pick up my little succubi,” Ozzie said, stepping out and stepping on one of the roadkill, “Don’t get into trouble.”

“No promises!” Fizz sung back.

The Sin chuckled as he shook his head. He made his way to where the Popstar and her entourage was. As he made his way to where the dressing room was, he could see the crowd clawing to get near or inside the dressing rooms.

He rolled his eyes.

Honestly.

Some demons had no shame.

He shook his head. How anyone could be so obsessed over parasocial interactions were beyond him. Though personally, he didn’t want to know what ran through their minds. It would be a dark and twisted place. And he’s seen enough of his own weird and creepy “fans”.

Now… How to get them to back off…?

“Excuse me,” Ozzie asked a nearby, slightly battered security guard, “Can you direct me to Ms. Mayday’s dressing room? She’s one of my subjects and-”

“You don’t wanna go there! They’re mad!” The guard babbled. “Completely rabid! Deranged!”

The Lust king sighed. He figured as much.

“Right… never mind. I’m sure I’ll locate it myself.”

He carefully stepped through the crowd. Half being mindful to not step on the not so crazy fans. Once he could see the clearly marked dressing room of one of his stars, he discreetly made a portal, poking his head in…

“Hello? One charming prince to come rescue his citizens in distress?”

…only to be greeted by silence and a completely wrecked room. Just at a glance, it looked like a tornado had gone through it. Shattered mirror, torn and broken furniture, smears of makeup all over the walls along with sweaty handprints. And then there was the odor in the air…

“Either they had a very rushed and fearful orgy or the group was ambushed and booked it,” said Ozzie.

Bzz. Bzz.

Ozzie reached into his feathered chest to pull out his phone. A text from his fav, and currently, missing bitch,

‘Hey Ozz, had to escape the stadium, f*ckers broke into the place and had to leave with the bitches. Stole one of the guard’s car. Sorry about wasting your time. I’ll see you back in Lust! <3’

Ozzie paused then shrugged. As long as she was safe. Plus he had an excuse to see Fizz. Best to get back to the limo before some of those crazed ‘fans’ come back. Ozzie headed towards the door when his foot caught the side of an upturned chair.

“MEROW!”

The Sin jumped a bit when the loud yowl echoed in the room. A blur flew across the room, crashing into the wall. It was a large piece of fabric, a curtain or blanket? The bundle skitted back and forth then hit the wall again, wailing in pain again. Ozzie bent down and snatched up the moving cloth.

And like that, a small cat fell out.

The tiny thing shook itself, gathering its bearing before he spotted the towering purple demon.

Then gave a yowl, scrambling to try and hide.

Monster!! Big scary monster!! Run and hide!! Run and hide!!

It ended up knocking over more overturned furniture in its panic. Getting even more entangled in a ripped curtain where the thread was loose. It soon ended up ensnaring the little feline.

“Oh, you poor thing. Here, let me help. It’s alright.”

He bent down, carefully picking the tiny creature by its scruff. He carefully unwrapped the thread that was bounding the kitten’s legs and neck. He made sure to keep a steady and calm voice to not further frightened it.

“It’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you. See? You’re safe.”

The cat continued to whimper and even hiss, but after a minute in the large figure’s hand without anything seemingly dangerous happening to him, he calmed down. Cute little thing, with large yellow eyes, freckle-like spots on his cheeks and a bowtie. Pretty but why did it look familiar to him?

Ah, nevermind.

The important thing is that the small feline is now safe. He glanced around the room. Most likely the kitten was either Verosika’s or one of her employee’s pet. So the thing must’ve gotten left behind in the scramble.

As a pet owner, he’d know how awful and panicked he’d feel if he couldn’t find any of his and his precious Froggy’s quievies if they should ever go missing. They were the closest things to children for them without actually having kids.

He gently stroked the kitten’s head.

“It seems you got separated from everyone else. I’ll call Verosika when we get into the limo. I’m sure your owner will be relieved knowing you’re safe with me.”

He made his way back to the limo, clutching Moxxie close to his chest. Hopefully Fizz would be calm and collected when he saw the little thing. Fizz was never a cat person. At all! His sweet had a bit of a phobia of them. But surely he would understand the need to care for the thing until they got it to Verosika.

Just a few hours.

Nothing bad.

“Sweetie. Froggy. My love. Please…”

Fizz hissed loudly in response.

Ozzie sighed, gently petting the tiny kitty on his lap, as his lover sat on the opposite side of the limo, glaring at him, arms crossed and pouting like a child. Bringing the cat in the limo hadn’t gotten over well.

As one can see.

“It’s only until we get to the office and hand him over to Verosika…”

Again, Fizz just hissed, hugging his quievies closer to his chest.

The sin shook his head. Meanwhile Moxxie stared at Fizz with a tilted head, wondering why the strange demon creature was hissing like he was a cat too. He didn’t look part cat? Why was he so far away? Why did he no longer smell like that sweet drink from earlier? Even his outer wear was changed. Such a strange, silly creature.

Moxxie meowed at him only to have the demon pointed a center finger upward.

Weird.’ Moxie thought.

“How long until we can get rid of that vile beast,” asked Fizz.

“It’s a cat and we’re nearly there,” Ozzie replied, “About 30 minutes.”

“Just make sure that thing stays all the way over there! Not a step closer to me!”

“Darling please, this little one won’t harm a hair on your head…”

“LIES! That thing attacked me this morning!” Fizz growled, “I can see the evil in those black eyes of it!”

Ozzie looked down as the cat was absentmindedly following a fly. The insect landed on Moxxie’s nose, only to fly away at the last second as the cat’s paw flew up and accidentally hit himself.

Mmmm, perhaps he should look into getting Fizz some help for his cat phobia…

“I’m sure it was all just a misunderstanding.”

“There is no misunderstanding! It attacked me! It’s a little monster!”

Okay, he needed a new tactic. He turned his attention to the little kitten.

“He doesn’t look like a little monster to me.”

Moxxie purred as the Sin petted him. Ozzie held him up to his face, cooing at him.

“No, you don’t look like a monster. No you don’t. Not to me.”

The jester huffed, hugging their precious pets closer to him. How could Ozzie be so cruel? Taking that vile creature’s side over his?? That… That cat was a cunning evil vindictive piece of sh*t! What he wouldn’t do for proof of that evil thing’s attack on him earlier! Even if it was embarrassing! At least then Ozzie wouldn’t be babying it!

And plus, he was waaaaay cuter than that dirty furball!!

“Just give it back to V and let’s get on with our day sans a mangy cat,” muttered Fizz.

“Yes, yes, dear,” Ozzie replied playfully. “I’ll keep the oh so horrible big bad kitty away from you.”

The jester glared at him.

“You’re not funny.”

“Sorry, sorry. But I’m sure he thought you were playing a game. He’s just a little kitten.”

“Kitten or not, he’s evil.”

The Sin sighed. Looks like no matter how much he tried to reassure his partner, it just wasn’t getting through. He looked down at Moxxie. The kitten had turned his attention to his other faces, trying to play with them.

Aaaawww!!

So cute!

How Fizz could be scared of such a tiny little creature he’ll never understand. Now to just arrived to Verosika’s….

“Are you f*ckIN’ KIDDING ME?!” Loona swore, nearly crushing her phone.

A DM from Vortex has pinged a minute ago with a video link to another account. All he wrote was ‘Is this your cat?

And then she proceeded to scream in her head.

How the f*ck did fatty get picked up by Verosika and her bitches?!’

Loona was panicking. The video that Verosika’s posse posted with Moxxie was doing numbers. Even if Millie wasn’t a fan of the popstar, she’s bound to see if once it starts trending. And if that happens, Loona’s goose is cooked!

Thankfully, Tex was helpful in sending her the location of where he, and by extension Verosika, was. The hellhound booked it towards the nearest Hellavator to get her down to Lust. If she’s lucky, the trip would be an hour, two hours tops, to get to Lust, grab fatty-cat and back to Pride before Millie gets back. Maybe she can come up with a plausible excuse for the video. Or to get Millie’s phone and block Verosika’s account without her knowing. Whichever works for her.

‘I swear to Lucifer and God, Moxxie, I will make you pay for making me have to actually work!’

“Yay! You’re alright!” cheered Coco, cuddling up to Moxxie. “We’re ssssoooooo sorry we lost you in the escape!”

Moxxie purred, licking Coco in happiness. He was glad to see them too! Though he still wanted to get back to Angry dog lady and his owner. He really missed them! He hoped they were hurt with those crazy demons around!

“Is he your pet?” Ozzie asked the Popstar. “Poor little thing was frantic when I found him.”

Verosika shook her head.

“No. Coco and Apple found him on the streets while grabbing breakfast. He’s that popular cat from those recent cat videos popping up. We think he accidentally got out. So we’re hoping his owners will come soon.”

Moxxie managed to catch eyes with Fizzarolli. He let out a happy yowl. Now that they were safe, maybe the funny sweet-drink man will finally play with him! He squirmed out of Coco’s grip, bounding over to the jester.

Who immediately backed away.

“Hey! No! Stay back! Go away! Ozzie!!!” Fizz immediately sprung onto the Sin’s shoulder, glaring down at the cat. “You promised once we delivered the creature we can go! I don’t wanna be anywhere near that little monster!”

“Are you seriously afraid of cats?” Ace snickered. “M.J. is the sweetest cat around!”

The jester hissed.

“LIES!! He attacked me earlier today! He’s evil!”

“Fizzy-”

“He did!!”

Asmodeus sighed. He was probably going to have to talk to his lover about getting into therapy… While he understood that some fears could be irrational, it would probably help him learn to deal with the trauma. Maybe not completely get rid of his fear. But maybe getting him to talk about how it happened could bring him some insight.

…..hopefully.

“Well thanks for bringing M.J. back.” Vortex stepped up. “I got a hold of the friend of his owner and she’s heading this way no

“Awwww! Already?!” Coco cried.

“Coco, you promised!” Apple lightly scolded.

“I knnooowww! But still…!”

“Just enjoy the time you have with Kitty before the owner shows up,” said Verosika, brushing her hair into a stylish ponytail, “Maybe you can convince them to pet sit in the future.”

“Ooooo, good idea!”

“Not anywhere near me!” yelled Fizz.

“We won’t! Jeez, Fizzy, you’re more wounded up than a vibrator,” replied the popstar. “Is the poor baby really that scared of a witty kitten?”

“Say that again and I’m having my quieves having free reign in your dressing room.”

“Don’t you dare! Those vermins ripped up my Lilith Morningstar couture collection!”

“They did you a favor! Those were just knock offs and were a tacky tribute to the queen. And my babies are NOT vermin.”

As the popstar and the jester argued, Vortex took the opportunity to slide out of the room. He kept texting Loona with updates on what’s going on with the group and her cat. Well, her co-worker’s cat but same thing. Seemed like the best thing to do in case things get hectic. Especially with Coco getting attached.

Hopefully she’ll arrive soon….

Loona was practically out of breath the moment she arrived at the studio. Millie would be back for her errands soon and she did not want her to learn that she lost Moxxie! Once fatty was back in her arms, everything would be smooth sailing from there.

She glanced around the hallway for the Popstar’s dressing room.

“No. No. Not there. Definitely not it…. How big is this f*cking place!?”

She went down several more hallways before she finally found it.

“About f*cking time!”

She was about to knock but paused. Wait… she was going to be meeting Verosika. She quickly pulled out her hand-held mirror. Quickly fixing her hair and makeup. Hopefully she didn't look too sh*tty…..

Okay, she looked somewhat passable…

Knock, knock, knock.

She stepped back, anxiously ringing her hands together. She hoped the fuzzball didn’t break anything expensive. They would not be able to pay that sh*t back! She reached out to knock again…

…only to barely dodge a flying mannequin head that burst through the door.

“The next one won’t miss!”

“Bring it on, clown! Years of beating Blitzo pinatas made me a killer pitcher!”

Loona peeked her head through the door to see, in short, chaos. Fizzarolli and Verosika were in a stand off. Fizz chucking sh*t at the popstar while Verosika was swinging around a bat, knocking the projectiles in other directions. Her entourage were ducked behind any large furniture, save for one of them, Josh she thinks, who was filming the whole thing on his phone. And in the corner was Asmodeus with Fizz’s pets, looking both amused and irritated at the whole scene.

The female hound cautiously looked in.

“Uh… H-Hello? I’m…. here to pick up M.J?”

Maybe this was a bad time…?

“Loona!”

Said girl looked over at who called her name. She was quickly grabbed by the arm, getting yanked behind a couch. It was Vortex.

“H-h-hey girl. Uh… kinda came at an… awkward time…”

She looked up from behind the couch at the two famous demons still going at it.

“Ya think?”

He gave her a sheepish grin.

“Yea… They’ve… kinda started to argue over your little kitten friend.”

She rolled her eyes. Oh great. What did fat*ss do this time?

“What’d he do?”

“Nothing actually. I think he was trying to play with Fizz and the jester-dude just kinda flipped. Apparently he’s afraid of cats. Who knew?”

“Really?” Loona tried to picture the Hell-famous jester that went against Mammon, survived a near fatal circus fire and has sex with Asmodeus on the daily being frightened of a tiny, dorky kitten in a bow tie.

She could, but it was weird as hell.

Then again Blitzo was scared of ghost for some f*ckin’ reason.

“Well thanks for taking care of fat-er Moxxie!” Loona stumbled, “I totally owe you!”

“Nah, you can pay it back by coming to Beezel’s next party,” Tex replied.

At that, Loona laughed nervously. She still hadn’t gotten up the nerve to revisit another Beezelbub party. Not after her first and last one. Even though Tex and Bee still call to invite her, apparently not put off by her initial meeting, the hellhound was still hesitant to go to another party. Even if she did make some friends there.

“I’ll…see if I can make it…”

“Me-ow!

Loona eyes’s twitched. Speaking of a troubling situation…

“Welp! Better get him back home! Thanks again for everything!” Loona stated, quickly heading out the door, barely dodging another projectile from the dressing room.

Moxxie let out another irritating yowl, biting into Loona’s hand. Loona growled back in response.

“You are soooooo lucky I need you alive for Millie…!”

“Moxxie! I’m back!”

“MRRROWWW!!!”

Loona watched as the freckled kitten happily bounded into Millie’s arms. He started to purr aggressively, rubbing his face all over hers.

“Aaww! I missed ya too, sweetie!” She turned her attention to the hellhound. “So how was he? Did everything go okay?”

“Oh yea sure,” Loona lied. “I… took him on a small walk in the city. Made sure to keep him on his leash too. He had such a blast.”

Millie turned her attention to her feline hubby.

“Aaww! Did someone enjoy his walkie??? You’re such a smart kitty! Yes you are! Yes you are!”

She giggled as Moxxie proceeded to lick and rub her face. Loona, however glared at the tiny furball.

Yeah, enjoy it while you can. When you turn back, I’ll be making your life hell for the bullsh*t you put me through today.’

“By the way, what happen to B?” Millie asked, snapping Loona out of her heated thoughts.

“Ugh, his bird boyfriend came by and I didn’t want to stick around,” she replied curtly. Her nose wrinkled, “Judging by the smell coming from his office, ugh. He was having fun. Think I’m gonna puke…”

“At least he had a good day,” Millie chuckled, “Moxx and I will be heading back. Thanks again for watching over him for the day.”

“Yeah, yeah, happy to help,” Loona grumbled, “Next time force Blitzo to watch over your cat husband and don’t bug me with cat sitting.”

“I will just as long as they don’t expose Moxxie to their fun time…”

“As if you and that dork aren’t as freaky as them…”

“What was that??

“f*ck off.”The imp shrugged, continuing to pet and coo at the kitten in her arms, which said kitten was happily lapping it up.

“Well, me and Moxx will be heading home. Thanks again Loona! At least nothing crazy happen like Moxxie getting lost or catnapped or something.”

“...yep!” Loona barked.

Millie happily bounced out the room, her kitten husband in her arms. Once the two were gone, the hellhound proceeded to flop onto her desk in exhaustion. She was hoping she would never be asked to watch the fuzzball again. She couldn’t wait for the idiot to turn back to normal!

Suddenly a portal opened in the middle of the room. Blitzo jumping out.

“I’M BAAAAAAAAAACK!!!! Did ya’ll miss me-ACK!”

Blitzo got slammed across the room by a flying chair, courtesy of Loona.

“f*ck YOU FOR MAKING ME DEAL WITH THAT sh*t, DAD!”

“Aww Loonie I just…DID YOU JUST CALL ME DAD?!” Blitzo gasped in happiness.

“f*ck OFF!”

Don't Be So Catty, Moxxie! - Chapter 6 - Cheycartoongirl8, CynicalGenre (2024)
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